Sorry for no post last weekend. Again, normal life got the better of me. Just a mini-post this one because tomorrow I will be posting about BristolCon, which I’m going to today.
When I got pregnant, I decided to keep a pregnancy journal and make a baby blanket. I only got to write a dozen or so pages of the journal. Yesterday, I needed a notebook (for Con) and, without hesitation or crying, I was able to pick up the journal and tear out the pages.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: trying to destroy the pain. It’s not that. I am ready to let go. Loss is never easy, but there comes a time when it stops being the first thing you think of, it becomes easier to carry, happiness comes back, the roaring agony becomes a twinge and one day, you find yourself moving on. I still have the original pregnancy tests and I am finally ready to throw those away. Not because I’m going ‘Well, there’s no point to keeping these’ but because I need to let my little one rest.
My best friend of 15 plus years sadly went through a miscarriage 2 weeks ago. We’ve done everything together from the age of 12. This is the one thing you don’t want to do together. But I love her and I want her to know that the pain passes and joy comes back. It gets easier to cope with. It never goes away but it stops souring everything.