Introvert problems.

I feel I have been slighted.

I don’t know that I definitely have but I feel it.

I feel that I am the lowest person on everyone’s priorities (including my own).

I don’t know it but I feel it.

I don’t think anyone takes me very seriously or cares about the things that I create, especially my writing lately.

I don’t know it but I feel it.

And what do you do with feelings? Do you cause a ruckus because of some perceived slight, even when none was intended? Do you throw a hissy fit and demand that people pay attention to you, praise your art, soothe your ego, return reviews when you have written ones for them?

For some people, yes, that would be their course of action. But for me, I can’t. What if I upset someone else in explaining that they upset me, especially if it was unintentional? I already carry enough guilt, I don’t want anymore.

And people don’t owe me review for review, that’s not how it works. I gave a review of a novel or artist because I love the work. I didn’t do it to get kudos. Even if it does irk me that people ask me for reviews of their stuff for promotion and don’t offer to do the same for me. And I wouldn’t ask directly anyway. Makes me feel like I’d be making a big deal out of it.

So what do I do? I stew. I bite my tongue. I remind myself that people are not out to get me, that no one is deliberately trying to upset me, though if you start a fight, I will give you one. A pushover, I am not.

Mostly, I withdraw. Not for sympathy but to process, adjust and move on. I can’t judge people by what I would do but just sometimes, it would be nice to be seen, for people to realise that I’m not all smiley happy really, that my writing matters to me way more than I like to think about. But I won’t say anything. I’ll keep up my façade of capable and affable. And write blog posts.

Until next time

Ellen xox

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s